i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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