she takes plan B like it's going out of style
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
