Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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