If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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