no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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