You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
