there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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