we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
