It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
