I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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