so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize