When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
