Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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