You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
