dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
