The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
