i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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