I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
