I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
