So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
