You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
