I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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