woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you win again, gameday.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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