He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
