Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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