But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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