this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
