Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
