One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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