if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
