Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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