Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
