Moan for me like Helen Keller
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
