playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
