Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
