The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
