I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
