I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize