i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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