there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
