dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
