I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
