i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
