she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
