i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
