haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
