would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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