There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
