I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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