You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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