Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
