woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
