Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
