Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
