thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
