just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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