Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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