At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
