Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
