don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize