what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
