I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
