I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
