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• (217): View more from Illinois

  What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?

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• (562): View more from California

  WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?

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• (940): View more from Texas

  I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  That's what you say about everyone.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs

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