You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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