is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
