I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
