cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
