Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
