toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Your mouth is God's brothel.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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