I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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