She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
