got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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