it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
